The veteran is afraid of his anger.
Terrified.
It’s his turn in the circle to talk
"You talk about healthy anger” he goes on to say
with his shoulders pulled up to his ears and his arms crossed tightly across his chest
He's rocking back and forth
self-soothing
"But what does that look like?”
“Because I can't go there!
I can't!"
he screams
"When I do, people get hurt.”
“Children get abused."
He points his arms like a gun.
He has no idea it's seeping out of him already.
The lid to the container he’s been stuffing coming unscrewed
There’s no more room
Some has to be dumped
Or there will be a violent explosion
Shrapnel impaling those closest
The circle is full of people who have felt that fear
and that trepidation
And felt the relief
and the lightness
that come with being on the other side of doing anger work.
A frail looking woman speaks gently “I am not afraid of your anger.”
Heads nod around the circle, and everyone continues to sit there
With him
Holding space
for his very wounded, very scared child heart.
"We'll do it with you." They say. "And keep you safe."
The therapist-in-training is angry towards our broken systems.
The ones that don't protect the children.
The system says - a mother who is doing meth and leaves the baby at home is wrong.
The mother should always take the baby with her.
The act is called Families First.
The therapist lays in bed with his 7 year old daughter reading her bedtime stories
while earlier in the day he sat across from a 9 year old who's been through 14 foster care placements, and endured cruel abuse after cruel abuse.
"It's not fucking fair!" he yells
No, it's fucking not.
He's pissed and there's power in his anger.
It fuels his revolution.
The young mom rages and rips like a hurricane.
She's talking 90 miles per hour
She's feeling powerless over protecting her children from a patriarchal society that violates and dominates.
When she was young her sisters were sexually violated.
One sister spoke out
and was condemned by the family
"You're tearing us apart."
Her 15 year old body took that message on
and developed multiple severe inflammatory dis-eases
that killed her within 3 weeks.
Now this young mother is raising bringing up young girls in this world
and she's terrified.
But she's here
Unlearning so that she can do it better.