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What Resilience Really Is



Most of us don’t understand resilience. We think it means burying our heads in the sand or in a bottle and “getting over it” Pushing through each day, not complaining, not crying, not losing our shit The person who is so in control of their emotions must be so strong

I see it differently now. As a kid I was applauded for my even keel through all of life’s ripples Instead of questioned with “what’s really going on” I wore my hardness and my steadiness like a badge of honor and armor

But over the years I wasn’t building resilience as much as I was merely stacking up survival skills. And surviving is not the same as being fully alive.

When I thought I was gaining strength through being shut up and shut down, I was really building up tension - Stress signals and hormones circulating through my skeleton And tension that does not get addressed does not get released

Yes my knee tore because of a collision But could I have had that collision without the tear? Is the fact that it happened hours before Luke’s memorial an accident? Or that I’ve now connected with several other strong, independent women who have lost significant others and then injured themselves (some also tearing their left knee) soon after?

Resilience is not a hardening Rather a commitment towards fluidity and flexibility An expanding that requires tools, humility, and community.

The body never lies.

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