I read recently “your pain is your purpose” I feel both the gravity and the light in this
When simultaneously Luke died and I tore my ACL, followed by a cascade of other losses and deaths this year, My strongest thought was, and still is “I don’t want to miss this” This, being the chance to show up differently, presently So that I can learn the lessons in all of it
Even though it means sitting with the heaviest pain I’ve felt I feel it shake deeply in my pelvic bowl The root of all that I am
Even though it means unloading buried grief from years ago Going beneath the anger to recognize that I was hurt and scared And taking my hand to walk through that
Even though it means forgiving all the times I’ve abandoned myself, taken things personally, and projected onto others Showing up to the mirror humbled and not full of criticism and judgement
I hold a lot of loss, and will for all my life But because of that I am also learning to be more open, grounded, grateful, present
This time is slow, purposeful, and peaceful It’s as if my body has been begging for stillness And I’m slowly correcting years and years of misalignment
The opportunities to write, to teach, and to move through yoga have shown up and I feel the pulse of loss and life in each of them